Should I Have Kids??

After a brief hiatus, I’m back with the same dilemma…only it feels much more urgent now. I will officially be 38 years old in 2 weeks. When I turned 37, I told myself that I would have this puzzle solved by 38 so I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. Well, 38 is around the corner and I still don’t have an answer.

Yesterday my husband and I woke up and revelled in the fact that we had the entire day to ourselves to do with as we pleased. So, I decided to go for a leisurely run by the beach, which is walking distance from our place. It was a beautiful day so I couldn’t wait to get out. My husband decided to work out in our home gym instead, so I was able to go running with music blasting in my ears and loving the gorgeous views. When I returned, my husband was almost done with his workout, and our next step was to decide what else to do the rest of the day. We thought we’d like to go for a nice bike ride along the boardwalk, but after a quick (and tiring) ride around the block, we changed our minds and returned home. We then decided to just drive around and enjoy the beautiful weather, knowing we would end up somewhere fun.

After driving around a bit, we ended up at Neiman Marcus, which was having an awesome sale – yay! Then after hours of roaming Neiman’s, we decided to get an early dinner – an impromptu date night at Mastro’s. Drinks, appetizers, steaks, sides, and dessert…absolutely delicious! What a superb day it had turned out to be!

But over dinner, we started discussing our dilemma: Should we have kids now and give up all this freedom? We went over all the pros and cons, but seemed to be focusing most on the cons. If we had kids, we could never have a day like this again…at least not for about 18 years. Not to mention all the other things we would be missing! But if we did have kids, we would have a new joy in our life: a life we created together, an extension of us. We both know that the happiness and love a child brings is priceless. But is it all worth it? After all is said and done, kids don’t always turn out the way you expect. We know plenty of people that have nothing but problems with their children, even late into adulthood. We’ve also been told that you never stop worrying about your children, no matter how old they get. Plus, there is no guarantee that your children will be there for you in your later years, so the argument of not “dying alone” isn’t very convincing either.

Why do we keep focusing on the negatives of having kids? I know there are tons of positives, but it seems we just don’t see them! Does that mean we really shouldn’t have kids? That doesn’t seem like such a scary thought now. Rather, it brings me some relief. So for now, it’s just me and my husband, so happy together…! And in case you were wondering, this is why I enjoyed my morning run so much yesterday:

Its funny how I keep looking for reasons to have kids, but instead I keep finding reasons not to! Tonight as I was picking up dinner for my hubby and me, I heard a man across the street yelling like a maniac. I looked to see what the commotion was all about, and, of course, to make sure he was okay. He was fine, I guess? And by fine, I mean…a grown man yelling at the top of his lungs in public at his toddler son…sure, he was fine. The father was carrying on about his son pulling the sleeves of his brother’s jacket. It really didn’t seem like such a big deal to me. I wonder what could have possibly happened before that to cause such a horrific reaction.

Maybe you have to be a parent to understand. Is this one of the joys of parenting that everyone insists on telling me about? I doubt it. Now, obviously I know that this is just a tiny part of it all, and these momentary fits are nothing compared to the love that a child brings into your life. I know that when you see your child smile at you, its enough to take all the troubles of your day away. I know that when your child does this and your child does that…and on and on and on, you forget about all the crying and screaming and sleepless nights. But somehow I’m still not convinced.

I wish that instead of seeing all the horrific parts of parenting, I would be drawn to see all the wonderful parts.  But I just don’t.  Does that mean I have answered my own question…NO, I should NOT have kids??

Today I was harassed by 3 strangers who felt the need to tell me that I need to start “making babies” right away. It’s funny how people I barely know, or even those that I have just met for the first time, feel that its okay for them to tell me that I need to have kids. Do I go around telling them that I don’t think they should’ve had kids?? I really don’t want their unsolicited advice. Of course, when I seek advice here, that’s a different story.

Nevertheless, I’ve still been silently debating with myself over this question, and, quite frankly, it has become nothing but a burden! I’m so tired of thinking about it and not having an answer. Maybe that’s why I get accosted  by everyone…I must have this question written all over my face!

Apparently the consensus is that I should definitely have kids, and that all the hard work and sacrifice is worth it. I’m not so sure about that. So, I decided to make a pros and cons list to help me decide. In doing so, I stumbled across this perfect list someone already posted that puts everything in perspective. After reading it, I’m not so convinced that the pros outweigh the cons. In fact, it seems like a landslide victory for the cons!

Today was another day that re-affirmed my decision not to have kids. And so it goes….

Today my husband emailed me out of the blue, just to tell me that knowing he has me and that he comes home to me everyday is all he needs in life… ♥♥

I think I neglected to mention this before, but my husband is not the most romantic guy out there…I would even venture to say that he is one of the most un-romantic men I know! So a cute email like that from him was enough to make my heart melt. I can’t wait to see him after work tonight!

Now, take that thought and add it to this article and its comments I found online.

Will having kids make us grow even closer together and since we already have a great loving relationship?  Or will it tear us apart bit by bit, breaking down the love and affection we share with every sleepless night?  Right now I choose to believe it will bring us closer, taking our relationship to the next level, a level we have not yet experienced. A level that will make us wonder why we waited so long to bring a child into this world.  Our child.  A little extension of me and him.  A little someone that we will love even more than we love each other. Is that even possible?

I guess today is turning out to be a day that I think I should have kids…

My husband went to the office on this beautiful Saturday. I stayed home, vacuumed and did some laundry.  What a great housewife…

Today is a day I think to myself…it wouldn’t be so bad to have a kid right now. Lets imagine that I had a daughter.  We would eat breakfast as a family and spend a few hours together at home before daddy went to work.  My little girl would play a little while I did some cleaning around the house.  Then the rest of the day I would take her to the park, go to lunch, get some frozen yogurt, and maybe go to a movie.  It would be the perfect mommy and me day.  Then we would pick up some dinner for when daddy gets home.  Daddy would come home around 7:00, we would eat dinner, play with her a bit, then put her to bed.  We would still have our usual Saturday date night at home, watching a movie with some popcorn and wine.  Our kid would be sleeping and we would still enjoy our evening together.  We would even get a little frisky while she was sleeping.

Its days like these that I wish I had my own little family. Days when I’m home alone while my husband is at work.  Days that I don’t have much to do, which is actually quite often.  Things really wouldn’t be that different if I had a kid, I guess.  At least I’d be productive with my day, rather than sit around and wonder what it would be like to have kids.  Am I missing something? I mean, I might as well just do it, since that’s what I end up thinking about all day anyway, right???

I’ve been away from here a few weeks, been busy with work and other daily activities. But now I’m back and ready to get it on!

Its funny that I started this blog with the secret hope it would convince me to have kids.  But it seems that everyday that passes, I am more and more happy with my current decision not to have them.  My relationship with my husband has never been better, we are so in love and are enjoying being so happily married.  He recently hired someone at his office to take some of the burden off him, so we have had more weekend time together. I recently hired a personal trainer (gotta spend $$ on something if not kids, right?) and am loving getting into great shape.  By the way, my trainer is amazing and super gentle, so let me know if you are in the Los Angeles area and want her info.  My first thought is why would I get pregnant and ruin all the hard work I put into getting fit? And it just goes on and on from there.

Then today I saw my friend posted this great article on her facebook page. It so perfect…exactly why its so great not to have kids – go check it out, its a short and fun

So after reading that cute article and all the other links from there, I feel more and more that I just don’t want kids.  But then why do I have this nagging little voice bugging me constantly repeating “Are you sure?“

HELP!!!

It’s Friday night, and I can’t wait for my husband to come home from work. I’ve been home for about an hour, after already running some errands and picking up take out for dinner. Without kids, we are going to stay home tonight and watch a movie, have some dinner and wine, and some fun We will go to bed whenever we desire, and wake up after a full night of restful sleep. We will spend the rest of the weekend decompressing from a hard work week, although my husband will probably work a bit during the weekend too.  Right now, the thought of having kids that would “ruin” our night and weekend together absolutely freaks me out.

If we had kids, instead of being excited to see my husband and to start our weekend together, I would be stressing about bathing, feeding, and putting them to bed.  I wouldn’t even have the energy to greet my husband upon his arrival, let alone spend any quality time with him. I would be counting down the minutes until I could pass out in bed for a few precious hours before being awaken by a screaming child. I would be planning a weekend filled with birthday parties and play dates and mommy-and-me classes and trips to the park. Anything to keep them busy so I can try to breathe for a second.

Or would it be different?  Would I be so happy that I am home from work for 2 days to spend with daddy and our kids? Would I be excited to take them to their little friend’s birthday party where they will get their faces painted and create memories to last a lifetime? Would I cherish every second I get to spend with my babies before I have to go back to work on Monday? Would we be having breakfast or lunch with our friends who have already been parents for a few years (we never really see them anymore now). Would I be proudly posting pictures of them on facebook and cherishing all the “cute” comments I get?

Who knows what I would be doing.  What I do know is that I don’t think I would be as happy as I am right now…

So here I am, starting this blog in hopes of answering the most important question of my life so far…should I have kids?  I hope this site will bring to it many more people like me, wondering if its time to take that next big step in their lives. I know I find it hard to discuss this issue with anyone, even my closest friends and family. Those with kids inevitably say…”yes, its very difficult and it does change your life forever, but you must have kids…what else are you going to do with your life?”  And those without kids always end up with… “I’m so happy I don’t have kids…I am free to do whatever I want, whenever I want…and I absolutely don’t regret it, not for a second!” (yeah right). So here I am, stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I’m 37, I have a professional career, and best of all, I have a wonderful loving husband   I absolutely adore my hubby – fyi, he’s 40 and has a career that keeps him super busy with little time to play.  Of course, I would say he adores me too.  We have been together for almost 12 years, married for the last 3.  We love our life together.  We don’t do much outside of work, but that’s the great part.  We are free to just sit around and relax at home, sleep, go out to dinner, a movie, a concert, dancing – whatever we want.  Every night out is “date night” for us.  With that said, I do sometimes wonder if this is how we are going to spend the rest of our lives. Will we share our joy with anyone? Will we have our own little family? What’s the purpose of us being together if we don’t have kids? Who will be there to take care of us when we grow old? But do I really want to give up the happy life that we have together, just me and him? Not yet.

And still, my clock keeps ticking away…

Let me know what you think. I also want to hear about your situation, I’m sure we have a lot in common! I will be posting more and often, but just wanted to get this thing going for now.